The fact is that most of us have taboo topics in our relationship. Taboo Topics are those touchy subjects that many of us protect and just aren’t willing to look at — and certainly aren’t willing to discuss. They’re so far off the table and out of bounds that even talking about talking about them will lead to offending someone or violating their unspoken boundaries. Ironically, when we are willing to talk about them, these topics turn out to be critical factors in solving ongoing challenges.
These sensitive areas are tied in to our core beliefs and sense of self. If someone gets too near them, we automatically bark and growl as a warning to back off. If the topic is pushed further, our defensive gestures turn into offensive actions and we’re likely to metaphorically bite. The question that needs to be asked is, “Why is this undiscussable topic so threatening?” “What has kept this issue from being acknowledged and discussed?” Another thing worth asking yourself is, “What is the cost of protecting this seemingly sacred topic?” Certainly, to some degree, it keeps our heart closed and keeps us disconnected from ourself and others.
Is it really worth the cost of not trusting ourself and others? Is the resulting disconnection more important than being emotionally honest and creating a deeper connection with our partner? Of course, our gut may be telling us, “Yes!”
For example, it’s not uncommon for people to secretly feel that they have to be right. They incorrectly feel that if they’re seen making a mistake, or not “having it all together,” they won’t be acceptable to others. Being wrong makes them feel vulnerable and open to being blamed or discounted. Those who “need to be right” often don’t even see this issue, since it is so deeply engrained from their early past.
Ironically though, it is in finding the courage to breathe into and take a look at our undiscussable topics that we can find the root cause. These deeper issues can be dramatically sabotaging our relationships, health, finances, and our ability to create a successful and enjoyable life.
Defending this taboo topic also can reveal a level of unconscious shame that keeps us separate and feeling alone or perhaps like we’re not enough.
In a safe and supportive environment I see people become more aware of these blind spots in their life. By healing that frightened part of themselves, they are able to find incredible new levels of trust, compassion, and empathy. They also find that their new levels of self-acceptance and love opens them to connections with others they had only dreamed of.
When you are ready to explore what’s holding you back and create the relationship and life you really want, reach out to me and we’ll look at how to do that.